What crazy things did your mom used to say?

“If you swallow your gum your butt cheeks will stick together.” ~ A mom in Boise, Idaho

NOTE: This book was published in 2013.

I am putting together my second book of “momisms,” to be published in early 2013. Momisms are the weird, scary, inspirational, nonsensical things that mothers tell their children as they are growing up.[pullquote]Just because grandma farts at the table doesn’t mean you can too.[/pullquote]

Where do they get this stuff? I mean, nearly every mother throughout time has told their child to wear clean underwear in case they get in an accident and have to go to the hospital.

Of course, mothers learn it from their mothers, who learned it from their moms and on and on. The way-back origins are still a mystery, however.

“You’re running away? I’ll help you pack.”

Many momisms, such as the clean underwear saying, play on fear, shame and embarrassment to get kids to behave and follow rules. Consider other things young girls were told: “If you sit on a boys lap you could get pregnant,” and “Eat your vegetables, they’ll make your boobies grow.”

(I wonder if there were any boy-focused momisms?)[pullquote]Seriously…if these are the things kids hear growing up, that could explain a lot.[/pullquote]

So, for your amusement, here are a few sayings that have been submitted from all over the country for possible inclusion in the book:

• From Southfield, Michigan – “The more you cry, the less you’ll have to pee.”
• From Boise, Idaho – “Just because grandma farts at the table doesn’t mean you can too.”
• From Phoenix, Arizona – “Don’t walk on the carpet!  It messes up the vacuum lines.”
• From Ventura, California – “Eating your bread crust helps you be a better whistler.”

And, from mother’s everywhere – “Don’t cross your eyes, they’ll stick that way; don’t go swimming after you eat  because you’ll cramp up and drown; if you swallow a watermelon seed it will grow inside your stomach.”[pullquote]…like a modern meme, it traveled around the world and became a mantra for mothers everywhere.[/pullquote]

Seriously…if these are the things kids hear growing up, that could explain a lot.

“Shrimp tails are poisonous.”

I started collecting momisms in the mid-1990s after a friend told me she had never eaten a shrimp because her mother used to tell her that shrimp tails were poisonous. My friend knows logically that it isn’t true, but the words of her mother haunted her and have literally shaped her eatng habits all her life. That set me on a quest to discover what odd things moms told their kids.

But, not all momisms are on the nutty side. Some are meant to inspire, nurture and protect:

• From New York City – “No matter how bad you feel, get up, dress up and show up!”
• From Pennsylvania – “If it hurts, stop doing it.”
• From Charlotte, North Carolina – “Take a sweater, just in case.”

Every culture has its own sayings, and it’s fun to try and imagine where they originated. I like to imagine that somewhere, many generations ago, one exasperated mom blurted to her kid, “If all your friends jumped off a cliff, would you?” and soon, like a modern meme, it traveled around the world and became a mantra for mothers everywhere.

Thanks, and remember, “Never try on anyone else’s glasses or you’ll go blind.”