5 questions that have helped redirect my life

Here are a few questions I’ve been thinking about over the past year or so. I admit, the older I get the deeper I go, but I think it is good to sometimes take a philosophical look at what shapes us and the areas that might need a bit of tuning up.

1. Are you doing what you really want to do?I’ve pondered this question as I’ve seen my career path morph and I can finally say, Yes. The older I get the clearer it is that this moment is the only chance I have to follow my heart and to do what is best for me. One of the things I have stopped doing is basing decisions on income. While of course I need to make a living, my decisions lately are less about how much money something will make me and more about whether it fulfills me and makes me want to get up in the morning. I believe that if you do what you love, the money will come. One of my favorite quotes is by Joseph Campbell, who said, “Follow your bliss and the universe will open door where there were only walls.”No one can create our lives for us, and if we’re not doing what makes us happy then it’s up to us to make it happen. We will never get this time back again! As author Rose Tremain said, “Life is not a dress rehearsal.”

2. How do you want the world to be different because you lived in it?

Neither I nor you may ever cure cancer or find the secret to creating world peace, but like George Bailey in the movie, “It’s a Wonderful Life,” our existence does create a ripple effect that we may not even realize. I thought of this the other day when I woke up in a grouchy mood and just wanted to be left alone. But I had an appointment, and as I begrudgingly sat in the the reception area waiting for my meeting, I struck up a conversation with the woman behind the desk. In just a matter of minutes, she told me that her 21-year-old son was currently in a coma following a bad car accident. She explained how each day she goes to the nursing home and massages his muscles, helps stretch his limbs and talks to him while he lays there blank. I asked questions about him – what is his name, what does he do for a living, do you have a picture of him? After a half hour of chatting she said, “I don’t know why I’m telling you all this, but I’m glad I did.” I told her of the grouchy start to my day and how I appreciated her sharing her son’s story. She had taken me out of my self-centeredness and changed my perspective. I needed her that day, just as perhaps she needed me. Baseball star Robert Clemente said it best: “Any time you have an opportunity to make a difference in this world and you don’t, then you are wasting your time on Earth.”

3. Do my thoughts hurt or heal?

I think all of us indulge in a bit of self-flagellation at times. We may look in the mirror and see the new wrinkles, the extra pounds, the bad hair day. At one low point in my life I had a job that I hated so much I cried every single day over my (self-imposed!) miserable circumstances and told myself that I must be a big loser. Do you think that uplifted me? No. It created more suffering and less sense of control over my life. When we learn to refocus on things we can be grateful for, it leaves less room for miserable thoughts and gives us back the control — we are no longer victims, we are active participants. As Oprah Winfrey has said, “What you focus on expands, and when you focus on the goodness in your life, you create more of it.”

4. Are there things things I need to change in my life?

Change is hard and fear of it makes people stay in horrid jobs, negative relationships, unsafe living conditions, and more. But, when we look around at our natural world and its living creatures and elements, we see that change is virtually required by everything for growth and existence. Trees drop their leaves and grow new ones, the fragile chrysalis transforms into a butterfly, the lobster sheds its shell, the very thing that provides it with protection and security. Why does it do this? Because its shell is hard and inflexible, and must be cast aside so that the lobster can grow larger and stronger and develop an even bigger shell. In fact, it is necessary for the lobster’s very survival. I think the lobster has the right idea. Psychologist Abraham Maslow said about going through change: “You will either step forward into growth or you will step back into safety.”

5. Do I need to make more mistakes?

I think the real question here is do I need to take more chances? Because taking chances – or risks — naturally leads to more mistakes, and each mistake is a chance to learn something new. Admittedly, it is more comfortable to never fail, but what do we learn from that? I ask myself, how am I growing if I just keep doing the stuff that I am comfortable doing? I faced this lesson a few years ago after spending 30 years in the same career. I was very good at what I did, but frankly, I was bored and unchallenged. No one was going to “give” me a new chance – I had to take it. I had to jump off the ledge, be scared as hell, and see where I landed. That’s when I started my own company and professional writing career. The thing is, you can never be 100 percent sure how it will work out, but in my experience, it always ends up just the way it should. Here are some great quotes on taking chances:

“Yes, risk taking is inherently failure-prone. Otherwise, it would be called sure-thing-taking.”  ~ Tim McMahon

“Progress always involves risks. You can’t steal second base and keep your foot on first.”  ~ Frederick B. Wilcox

“I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it.” ~ Pablo Picasso

“You’ll always miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.”  ~ Wayne Gretzky

“Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the Ark; professionals built the Titanic.”  ~ Author Unknown

“Behold the turtle. He makes progress only when he sticks his neck out.”  ~ James Bryant Conant

As always, thanks for visiting Murphy Writes.