13 things I learned in 2011

I don’t know about you, but 2011 has probably been the most difficult, bittersweet year I can recall. It was a year in which I excitedly published my first book, and then lost my dad a few months later. That sort of year, if you know what I mean.

There are a few quotations that come to my mind in describing such a year, “When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure.” Or “A clay pot sitting in the sun will always be a clay pot. It has to go through the white heat of the furnace to become porcelain.”[pullquote]But life, once it’s gone, there are no do-overs. There’s no backspace button. No deletes.[/pullquote]

What I know for sure is that adversity and challenges suck, but they also lead to knowledge and insight and growth. So, I’d like to share some of the lessons that came to life for me in 2011.

1. Family is the most important thing.  Most of 2011 I watched my father go through illness, surgery, amazing recovery, setbacks, more courageous recovery and finally unexpected death. I’m not going to sugar-coat it — it was the hardest thing I’ve ever been through. But,  I also wasn’t alone in the journey, as I had my family. I learned that the love of family transcends everything. The strength we found from each other has been life changing for us. Families aren’t perfect, but they are where we begin and ultimately where we end. Never underestimate the power of family.

2. If you have something to say, say it before it’s too late. I was lucky to spend a lot of time with my dad before he passed away and I was very clear with him about how much I loved him, admired him and what a great dad he was. In turn, he told me how proud he was of me, and gave me fatherly wisdom up until the end. Nothing went unsaid, and I am grateful for it. There is a mysterious and uncomfortable finality about death that we rarely encounter anywhere else. Unlike most things in life that can be changed, you can’t undo it. There’s no backspace button. No deletes. No do-overs. So if you love or appreciate someone, tell them. You’ll be glad.

3. Things always work out. Even when we feel lost, unsure of the future, or that we’ve failed, things always work out. Sometimes they don’t work out the way we hope they will. But, every outcome – even the unexpected or unwelcome ones — provides a fresh chance that could lead us in an entirely new direction. Hellen Keller said, “When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we took so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened up for us.”

4. Our lives reflect how we react to them.  I know, it sounds like a bunch of woo-woo psychobabble, but I believe we can decide to be happy or miserable. And, I also believe that our attitude attracts like attitudes into our life. I would much rather be around a happy person and work with someone who is uplifting. That means happy people attract my business and support. Every day has 24 hours and we can either spend that time being pissed off or choose to live more positively and focus on what makes us happy. At the end of the day, we’ve either made everyone around us miserable or created a nicer existence. It’s our choice. And yes, its that easy.[pullquote]There is a magic about you that is all your own.[/pullquote]

5. Be grateful. I wake up every day and express my gratitude for simply having a new day and a new chance. I am thankful for my breathing, hearing, seeing, being able to walk, my sense of touch and taste, being able to think and make a living. My heart is beating. I have friends, family, food, clean water, a roof over my head and pets who think I’m perfect. My gratitude comes from realizing what life would be like without it all. I try to dwell on these blessings that make my life possible and am much happier when I see life as a big fat gift rather than a list of things I’ve been deprived of. Oprah says it best, “What you focus on expands, and when you focus on the goodness in your life, you create more of it. Opportunities, relationships, even money flowed my way when I learned to be grateful no matter what happened in my life.”

6. Be who you are and live your life. We all have one life to live on earth, to be the person we are born to be. We get our one shot at life. Everyone else gets their shot at life. No one should tell us how to live, what we should be, how we should act or what we should believe. There is no joy or meaning in living a life that is not our own. As D.M. Dellinger wrote, “You are unrepeatable. There is a magic about you that is all your own.”

As a writer, I learned…

7. That publishing a book is a lot of hard work and marketing it is even harder. Self-promotion and talking about ‘me, me, me’ is not a naturally acquired skill of mine. It takes work. [pullquote]You can’t get a book deal if you don’t send stuff out.[/pullquote]

8. That I will never again spend an entire week fiddling with a story that only paid me $100 just because the editor wanted perfection, which I’m sure I didn’t achieve anyway.

9. That the busier I am, the more ideas and inspirations I get. When I’m not busy, the ideas seem to dry up.

10. That there are just certain topics I am not interested in writing about.

11. That I need to be more assertive and self-confident in submitting more queries and proposals to agents and publishers. Sort of like the old lottery saying, “You can’t win if you don’t play.”  “You can’t get a book deal if you don’t send stuff out.”

12. That my dad, a lifelong journalist, freelance writer and orator was the best editor and teacher I could ever have and I still want to call him to ask, “What do you think about this lede paragraph?”

13. That writing may not be the most lucrative career in the world, but if it is your destiny, don’t fight it.  As Joseph Campbell said, “Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors where before there were only walls.”

Got any insights from 2011? Please share them!

Thanks for visiting Murphy Writes. Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays!